Untukmu Para Pengunjung

I lay on the bed.
Caught the bus and train home and lay there, i didnt wanna shower or nuffin i just lay there, i knew what i smelled like and i didn want to cry.
i could hear their voices and what they were saying and i could feel the bite marks throbbing on my leg
there was blood runnin down my leg but i didnt wanna shower cos showerin meant moving and moving reminded me dat i was still alive
i knew i had to call somebody, not tripti but shawna cos she would know what to do.
so i called her and she told me shed be there straight away.
and when she got here i had to open the door for her and she hugged me, she didnt say anythin, she just took me to the shower and scrubbed me down and then she made me a hotwater bottle and lay me down on my bed and lay next to me wiv my head on her stomach.
dere was silence for an hour and den she said, "who were they?".
I looked up at her and said, "some somalian guys- in southall."
she looked at me and said, "weneed to call the police"


"No," I said.
"But why," she asked concerned, "they cant hurt you now."
"it doesnt matter- dont call the police,"
"What if they do this to someone else Nomi- this isnt just about you- these pervets could do it again,"
tears ran down my face.
"I just want to be left alone- i want you to be here but just by ourselves, well call the feds in the morning."
"and let them perverts get a nights rest," she said gently, "nah nah nomi- i have to."
and then she looked at my face and said, "fine- we'll call them in the mornin," she hugged me

As i lay on her stomach she said, "This city isnt right Nomi- the police ain't doing enough to protect people like us- this is why im leaving."
I looked at her, "what," i said.
"Nomi- some shits going down with Darren thats scaring me- Jermaines gone missing and I think Darren has something to do with it."
i just kept quiet.
"he says he and jermaine are cool but i dont believe it- noone aint seen jermaine in about three weeks and he was involved in some bookie shit- i heard darren say he was an informer, snitchin on ssk for dough- Darrens been visitin Monique and Rico and I know they must know- I think Darrens done something to him- i aint told noone but i got a scholarship to study Pharmacy in Quebec- i didnt wanna go cos id miss the ends but whats to miss- people get killed for nuthin- the government saying crime rates are low when i can list ten guys who got duppied in the last month."

She looked at me and said,"Nomi- you need to leave too- you need to work out of here- this city isnt for anybody with plans- these parents arnt raising their kids to work hard and to love and respect, they aint raising their kids at all- thats how they can go around doing the shit they do because they dont know love,cos if you knew love u culdnt shank someone up for a chain or cos of beef- it would be impossible."

Tears ran down my eyes, she continued, "today i was telling someone about the fing with that chelle chick and they were like nah nah it cant be real- it is real, it aint exaggerated, all the tears that that girl from eastenders cried when her brother was killed for nothing arent exaggerated, that guy who was killed on the estate in east that times mum doesnt exaggerate when she cries cos she misses the son she gave birth too, that girl who got gangraped in tottenhame wasnt lying or exaggerating when she went through it all- this shit is real- and the feds arent doing enough to stop these dumbass parents for raising these ignorant kids who fink its cool to jack someone just cos they look vulnerable- jermaine used to jack bare heads- but he doesnt deserve to be missing- im scared for him- i know darren- whens he vex he can do anything- this is why im leaving in two weeks- me and my maj were moving to canada- you know she was mugged 8 times last year, we need to get away."

Tears ran down my face as i felt blood run down my leg.
"oh god," she said, "where are the tissues."
"downstairs," i cried.
"we have to go to a hospital- please," she begged,
"ok," i said
then she ran downstairs as she did, my phone rang, i answered it.

























































"You fink i dont know that you know about what happened to Jermaine- you're a dead hoe."