Untukmu Para Pengunjung

I slept in the cold bed and looked up at da familiar ceilings.
i slowly got up, dried my tears and walk down da stairs to see Grandad Rupert with his woman talkin, when dey saw me dey smiled.
"You res' up chile?", she asked tying up her purple bathrobe.
I nodded and sat next to grandad.
"You stay here faw as long as you need to," she told me, "you family now." then grandad looked at me and said, "tripti's family want to speak to you when you're ready."
I said, "no no i can't."
"noones forcing you to do it now," shirley said gently, "they just need to know certain tings."
i nodded and looked up at her face, i could see Chelle in her eyes from da pictures i had seen of her on facebook and knowin dat her grandchild was still alive was killin me along wiv da knowledge dat i had set up two deaths, jermaine's and triptis. i put my fone off so faisal couldnt reach me.

"Me got some trotters in the fridge if you hungry," shirley told me, "you need to eat."
I thanked her wiv my eyes and walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge to find the trotters in i fink some curry, i warmed it and ate it, the salty tears droped into my food.
grandad walked in and said, "im going to go buy some milk and bread- shirleys here wit u."
i nodded as i buried my head into his grey trench coat, he stroked my hair and said, "this is a filthy God forsaken city," and left.

5 minutes later shirley walked in and sat opposite me. the kitchen was dark and smelled of so many mixes of food. dere were dim lights and it was smoky.
"I lost two people to," she said lightin up a cigarette.
i looked in her eyes, "losing people is hard," she said, "when you know they there you dont mind not seeing them but when you know youll never see dem again- its the coldest ting, when dey taken from you cos of violence."
I looked down.
"i want you to know dat your friend is in a better place- better than this world and better than this city where people don't know love and God- she in a much better place- safe from murder and pain- i can only hope my daughter and her daughter are there too."

I said, "your daughter?".
"Killed by her boyfriend," she said bluntly,"killed for nuthin but a mistake made by my grandaughter."

her grey hair seemed to attract the different shades of the dim lights as the lamp behind me forced her shadow up against the tiled wall behind her.
"i let tings happen to my gran'chile and its da reason she did tings," she said stubbin her browns against the table.
den she looked at me and titled her head a bit and smiled, den she said, "maltese,basian and eritrean- what a mix- lethal- im sure de boys like you."

I was able to let out a smile.
"boys are bad- men are bad- dey love u hard enough until de cum runs out of dere cock and den u jus a girl or a woman- a man will take your dreams away and your hope and your love for de world- he'll fuck u and fuck up your body, give you kids dat grow up to forget everytin u did for dem and end up wit tits low enough to get familiar with your toes- it aint da life for any woman- tek de advice i wish i couldve given my daughter- be alone."

"but you love my grandad."

"i love him because he knows im a woman- not jus a pussy to be torn out chree times a night- i wish me had an education but back home it wasnt encouraged- me wish me had de oppurtunity to learn tings- make my mind stronger so i could see tings- understand tings- instead of havin to spend tirty years of bein told what to like and what to do by a man with a tirteen inch penis for a brain."

she looked at me again and said, "your friend is ok now-you need to escape dis all Nomi whilse u can chile- tink about it- learn so you can see new tings- so you can leave dese devil kids to kill demselves- you still have a life- my granbaby doesn't- she ws about your age- beautiful girl- tall oh my Chelle- oh Gladys."
den she started cryin and said, "dis world can be as big as you want it to be if you jus work- work will help you escape dis all- itwill take you to better places."

I slept in da bed i had slept in earlier and i wonder if chelle had slept in da same bed. i put on my phone- 62 missed calls from Faisal.
i called him.
"dont say nuffin," he said as he picked up, "meet me in half an hour at your yard."
i agreed and quickly got dressed. it was one in the morning as i snuck out of shirleys house to make my way to my yard.
when i got dere faisal and one of his boys were waitin, we all walked inside and shut the door.
"did you say anyfin to anybody," he asked panicking.
"no," i said holdin back da tears.
"we're in trouble," his bredrin said.
i looked at faisal.
"it wasn't Tripti who told Darren anythin bout me workin wiv feds and u workin wiv us," he said, "Darren already knew- we duppied Tripti for nothin"