Untukmu Para Pengunjung

We're back in Toronto. It all happened really fast. Last Tuesday (the day after I last blogged) it was announced in Zimbabwe that we would be leaving the country. Then we left Thursday afternoon (two days later; the day before the re-run of the election). The Salvation Army in Canada had become quite concerned about our situation in Zimbabwe. Things have definitely changed since March (the election). No longer were we just stressed about not finding food or lack of electricity or water or freedom. All of a sudden there was a widespread campaign of terror, with many, many people being beaten, tortured, killed, forced to attend political meetings and rallies, others being forced to flee their homes, crackdown on all NGOs... the list goes on. The violence started coming into Harare, and to be honest, I wasn't feeling as safe anymore.

The past week has been incredibly rushed, emotional and crazy. We had two days to wrap up our two years and two months in Zimbabwe. It was insane (although I thank God for those two days, because one option being considered was for us to leave straight from South Africa, and then we wouldn't have been able to say good-bye at all). We packed up our little house and had to decide who to give what to. We gave away almost anything, and yet minutes before we left, there were still children and old women looking through our garbage outside to see if there was anything to salvage. I know it was the right decision to go. I know that it's not healthy to be pregnant and constantly stressed about what could happen. But it was so hard to leave. Starting from Tuesday we had a steady stream of visitors in our house - people coming to say good-bye; people coming to say that they understood why we were leaving, but they were just so disappointed. It was beautiful to have so many prayers prayed over us - from old gogos to little kids. The hardest good-byes for me were with my two mothers. They have both experienced a lot of loss in their lives, and our departure was just one more. Thursday many of our friends came out to farewell us at the airport. I was crying by the end, and John thinks my sobbing made our exit past immigration/CIO/customs, etc. nice and easy. But I bawled and totally wanted to turn back. I'm thankful that it was such a long journey home, because it gave us time to adjust to the idea of being in another world.

How do I feel? Physically I feel fine - just a little tired from lack of sleep in the past days and stress. Emotionally I feel all kinds of things. It's good to be home. I feel like eating everything I see and I like the sense of feeling free and safe, and being with family and friends. But to be honest, mainly at this stage I feel like part of my heart is missing, and I'm worried for my family and friends in Zimbabwe. Also, it feels weird to just resume my "old life" when I've had such a "drastic" experience (that has felt more like 10 years than 2). However, we're back, and now we just need to start a new chapter. Right now we don't know what that will look like, but in good time... Of course, thank you to all of those who have prayed for us, and who have prayed for Zimbabwe. Please don't let the prayers stop! They're still so needed.